In a previous post, I mentioned that I had gotten engaged to my Fiance on Valentines day of this year and I am super excited to take the next step in our lives and tie the knot.
But, here’s my dilemma.
I’m not sure that I even want to have a wedding anymore! And by that I mean a traditional wedding with avenue, close family and friends, a cake, all of that.
It really hurts me to say that but at the end of it all I feel that the union of my fiance and I is what is most important and that is all that I need.
The reason that I say it hurts me is because of a few reasons.
Anyone who knows me personally knows that I only want to surround myself with positive energy. I do not like drama. I do not like confrontation. And I don’t do well with people putting others down. I just can’t deal with it. I refuse to deal with it.
And I will admit that the people that I would have invited to my wedding a year or two ago….couldn’t even pay me to attend my wedding now.
I am a very observative person, so I am always paying attention to how people carry themselves, treat others, and the energy they bring when they are around me. And it’s sad to say that I had a ton of negative and toxic people in my life and I refuse to invite people like that to my wedding.
I refuse to have one of the best days of my life ruined because of petty drama that people can’t handle like adults.
I will not have anyone at my wedding who is not supportive of me and my partner because we are an interracial couple.
I refuse to have people who show that they are jealous of the life my partner and I have built for ourselves.
The list just goes on and on.
And you know what makes it worse? The fact that all of the people I am referring to are some of my family members.
I will admit that my family is very dysfunctional. Though my immediate family (mom, dad, brothers, sisters, etc.) have had our issues, we are all very close and I couldn’t imagine my life without them. But when it comes to other family members, I just can’t allow myself to let the energy that they bring to be present at my wedding.
Don’t get me wrong I still love my family very much! And I know that they have problems that they are working on and need to fix but at the end of the day I know how they are, especially when they get around each other…All hell would break loose and I am not going to even risk that happening at my wedding. And that’s where the hurt comes from.
I would love them to be there, but I know that many of them will not be genuinely happy for me and wouldn’t put their differences aside for my special day. Many of my family members have made it clear that they don’t agree with me being with a white man but they have also made it clear that they feel that they are entitled to be at my wedding.
Like… Excuse me? Why would I invite someone who isn’t supportive of my future husband and I.
I know there will probably be a few people who will not agree with me saying some of these things about my family members but these are all things I have expressed to them already and I know that a good portion of them read my blog anyway, so it’s nothing they don’t already know.
I will never sugar coat anything for anyone and it is what it is.
Regardless of all of that, and to make a longer story short. I just know that if we were to have a wedding, there will be very few people that I would invite from my side of my family. And it will be a ton of drama from the members who weren’t invited and I just don’t have the time for it.
I honestly would much rather just have a courthouse wedding with our parents, grandparents, and siblings present because those are the people who really love, support, and uplift us. And that alone means the world to us.
Plus we plan to buy a home sometime in the next year, and we would rather save money and put it towards the down payment of our home, than to have a wedding with a bunch of people who aren’t one hundred percent for us!
But deep down inside I wish I could have that wedding that I have been dreaming of since I was a little girl. Maybe one day I will be able to make it a reality and have a wedding renewal. Only time will tell.
We’re not too sure what we will be doing just yet, but we are leaning more towards a courthouse wedding. My fiance of course says that he wants to do whatever will make me happy and that doesn’t help me too much lol.
Do you guys have any suggestions or advice that you could give me? If so leave it in the comments below and I’ll see you in my next one!